My poignant regret is that I so nonchalantly ended my youth, blithely discarding those remaining seasons in the sun.

Happiness is an ‘I’ thing,” Culligan says. “It’s within yourself. Nothing external is going to make you happy.

Learn to forgive. First others, then yourself – mostly yourself. But you have to forgive. “Get rid of the negativity. So much of your life can go down this dark drain if you let it. Every negative feeling makes you sicker. Every positive feeling makes you better.

I used to feel sorry for them, those people who cling to people. I always thought they brought more needs than gifts. I felt that if they didn’t want to be by themselves, with themselves, I surely didn’t want to be with them either.

Homeworkers embody the real American Dream. Not fame or fortune, but being your own boss. Calling your own shots. Taking control of your life, not necessarily to work more--or less--but to work the way you want to work.

Co-dependent tennis is not a good game. When you serve the ball, someone should hit it back to you. If no one tries, the match should be over as far as you're concerned. Put your racket away, go home, find another game tomorrow. Stop returning your own serves, lobs, and volleys. Stop playing off your own energy, needs, and desires. Quit kidding yourself.

Did I think I'd ever find someone I could live with, she asked me, and I said yes, and she said who, and I said me with a vagina and cleavage a little dog could get lost in.

Men are jerks. If I were a woman I'd be a lesbian. You get to make love to other women and have little to do with asshole men. Lesbians are better lovers, too, because they know where everything is.

I'm a writer. I write because I don't talk so good.

Catholic sex is twenty minutes of pleading and whining (Vatican-approved foreplay), thirty seconds of involuntary shuddering and an hour of apologizing to God.